


christmas lights

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Casual Sex, Christmas, Dean owns a bakery, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, very light angst though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 14:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5420237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas are friends, have been for years, but neither realise that they are both secretly in love with the other. This becomes a real problem when they start sleeping together and decide to keep it 'casual'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	christmas lights

**Author's Note:**

> written for the destiel christmas mini bang, for the prompt 'lights'!
> 
> check out the beautiful art for this fic by ohmygodcas on tumblr [here](http://ohmygodcas.tumblr.com/post/135140482224/destiel-christmas-mini-bang-prompt-lights-i)!
> 
> i am scullsy on tumblr :)

Cas woke up slowly. He'd have liked to say it was romantic, coming to with the late afternoon rays of sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, but they were kind of streaming right into his eyes. Maybe that's what woke him. 

Or maybe, it was the gently snuffling bundle of warmth curled up next to him. Dean stirred and Cas turned over, watching his friend come to and fighting the last vestiges of sleep. He was beautiful like this. Not that he wasn't always beautiful, but Cas liked him the most like this, unguarded, face soft without the worries that usually plagued him. 

Dean cracked open one eye and Cas stilled, smile genuine. 

"Mornin', Cas."

Cas' smile widened. "It's afternoon, actually." He stifled a yawn, breath ghosting hot against his palm. "It'll be sunset soon."

Dean hummed thoughtfully. "Too late for breakfast then." He stretched, and Cas was distracted by the way the sheets pooled at his hips, exposing his friend's bare, golden chest. His distraction did not go unnoticed, Dean's eyes darkening with lust. "So uh, do you have to leave, or..."

Clearing his throat, Cas avoided Dean's gaze, eyes cast downward. "I should go." 

It pained Cas to say that. The last thing he wanted to do was go; to leave this bed, this apartment - to leave Dean. But they had made rules when this started. Back when they had fallen into bed together after years and years of charged looks and lingering touches. 

Cas had wanted to stay then, too, but they'd both made it clear that this arrangement was nothing more than casual, that there was to be no affection or anything messy to complicate things between them. 

Too bad Cas had been in love with Dean for almost as long as he'd known him. 

The first time they slept together had been October and it was now almost Christmas. It had only happened a handful of times, and it was getting harder each time for Cas to pretend like it meant nothing to him; like Dean meant nothing to him.

But each time Cas wanted to be honest with Dean he remembered their rules, and how adamant Dean had been about them (not that they hadn't been breaking the rules every time they slept in the same bed). So Cas kept his mouth shut. Just like he'd been doing for many years previously. 

Cas rolled to the edge of the bed and pushed himself to standing, stretching out his muscles like a cat and revelling in the satisfying click of his spine. He gathered his clothes from where they were strewn about the floor and in doing so accidentally caught Dean’s eye. He looked annoyed about something. 

“What? I'm being as fast as I can,” Cas argued pre-emptively, figuring Dean was frustrated at him taking so long.

“That's not-” Dean sighed. “Whatever man. Just get going, after all you have a flight to catch.”

Dean still sounded pissed, which raised Cas’ hackles. He pulled his sweater over his head angrily, probably making his hair even more ridiculous than usual. “Dean, you were the one who convinced me to take this job in the first place.” Cas had been asked to speak at a conference in Boston and since it was a few days before Christmas, and flying back down to Kansas would be hell, Cas had elected to stay until after New Year’s. He still had friends from college in Boston anyway. 

“Yeah well, I didn't expect that to mean you fucking off for the whole of Christmas. What about your family?”

Cas had paused in putting his socks on and he felt faintly ridiculous arguing with Dean with one foot socked and the other bare. “You know as well as I do that I don't have any family, Dean!”

“What about me?” Dean asked, voice possibly softer than he had intended. His face hardened quickly. “And Sam?”

Cas shook his head and continued getting dressed. “You'll be fine. You have Bobby and Ellen, and Sam has law exams and Jess to keep him occupied.” He huffed as he left Dean’s bedroom in search of his shoes. “If my doing this conference was going to make you so angry you should have said something when I got the call.”

Dean followed after him, climbing out of bed and quickly pulling on a pair of pyjama pants. “What the hell was I supposed to say? ‘Oh Cas, by the way, I think you should say no to this amazing opportunity that’s offered to practically zero grad students ever. You should turn down this career-changing offer and stay in Kansas instead.”

Whirling around, Cas fixed him with a glare. “Don’t be ridiculous. All I’m saying is, you don’t exactly have the right to tell me to stay now when you never mentioned that it was a problem before.”

Dean visibly deflated. “I don’t have the right, huh? Well ain’t that just peachy.” He turned away and walked down the hall towards the kitchen. “Have a great time in Boston, Cas. And Merry Christmas.”

Cas gaped after his friend, thoroughly confused as to what had just happened and what he should do now. A more mature person would follow Dean to find out, and probably apologise, but Cas always acted childish when he got hurt.

Sighing, he gave the room one last sweep and headed out the front door, sounds of Dean banging around in the kitchen following him out.

Dean’s apartment was just off the main drag in their small town, within spitting distance of the bakery-cum-café which his friend owned. From the main street it was a short walk to Cas’ little house that he had bought with money he inherited from his late grandfather. 

In a daze he showered, dressed, and hopped in a cab with the suitcase he’d packed the night before. It was past sunset by the time he left and as the taxi carried him to the airport, Cas let the passing Christmas lights distract him from his own thoughts of why the hell am I leaving here.

Even though he knew he’d be home in almost two weeks, Cas left town feeling like he’d left a part of himself behind. He couldn’t even remember now why he’d agreed to this job; they weren’t paying him enough and he was probably underqualified compared to the other speakers. A small voice in the back of his mind told him it amounted to self-preservation; being around Dean this time of year without having all of him would be particularly painful, so one solution was to fly hundreds of miles across the country.

It was the coward’s way out, sure. But Cas had never pretended to be brave.

-

Dean stood over his sink, dirty coffee mug in hand. He hadn’t moved since Cas had left over half an hour ago. He’d been playing Cas’ words in his head, “You don’t have the right to tell me to stay”, on repeat since he’d walked out the door.

Of course Dean had always known that he had no right to Cas, no claim over him. They’d grown up together and had been best friends since he learnt to ride a bike, sure, but the day Cas had accepted his place at Boston University Dean had realised he could never really have Cas, not in the way he wanted.

They were worlds apart. Cas moving halfway across the country just made that literal.

Dean set the mug down and made a concerted effort to pull himself together. It was selfish of him to let out his frustrations on Cas; it wasn’t his friend’s fault that he would never feel the same way about Dean. Dean had been hopeful when they started whatever they were doing now, but Cas always made it so clear that he wouldn’t ever let it get further than a casual fuck here and there.

“Screw it.”

Throwing on whichever clothes he put his hands on first, Dean jogged out the door into the frigid early evening and headed down the street to the Roadhouse. He thanked whoever was listening that it was a Thursday, meaning that there was no one on shift who was likely to give him a hard time about drinking before five o’clock (read: Ellen or Jo Harvelle).

He pushed through the Roadhouse’s entrance and plonked himself down at the bar, bypassing his usual beer and heading straight for whiskey. It wasn’t until he heard a familiar voice calling out his name that Dean realised he hadn’t spared the room one glance before sitting down.

“Dean?” 

“Ah, fuck,” Dean muttered. The last thing he needed when he was drowning his sorrows was a nosy little brother watching and prying into his business. “Sammy, nice to see ya,” he greeted, twisting around in his barstool and accepting his brother’s near-suffocating embrace.

“What are you doing here at, uh, 4.30?” Sam asked, checking his watch. So much for not being given a hard time.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Dean countered. He raised his eyebrows pointedly and took a swig from his drink.

Sam rolled his eyes at the deflection. “I was meeting a client, asshole.” Ah yes, because Sam (the nerd) couldn’t possibly treat his Christmas break like a real vacation so had picked up a few hours interning at a local lawyer’s office. The kid would go far. “Which brings me back to what you’re doing here. Hey, who’s covering at the bakery?”

Dean waved his hand dismissively. “Charlie needed the extra shift. And I’m here because I’m a goddamn adult and I can do whatever I goddamn please, okay?”

Sam didn’t look convinced. Then, even worse, his face softened and he looked at Dean with pity. “Cas is flying today, right?” Dean looked down and nodded into his drink. “I’ll have a double of whatever my brother here’s drinking,” Sam said to the bartender, swinging himself onto the stool next to Dean.

“You don’t have to, Sam, the client…” Dean started half-heartedly.

“Shut up. You’re more important. Plus there’s actual lawyers over there who can probably handle taking notes while I’m gone.” Dean would’ve hugged his brother again if he was a little more drunk. “Now I can’t believe I’m asking this, but tell me everything.”

It took Dean an hour and four more drinks to explain his situation with Cas – or at least to fill in the gaps of what Sam had already figured out himself.

“So that’s everything. The whole- all of it,” Dean said, only slurring a little.

Sam narrowed his eyes and took another dainty sip of his drink. “That was more gross than I had imagined, gotta be honest but uh… Dean, no offence, why’d you let him leave?”

Dean jerked his whole body back in surprise. “What d’you mean why did I let him leave? The jerk left of his own free will. He wanted to leave. Hey, I thought you were supposed to be on my side!”

Sam put his hands out, placating. “I might be wrong here, but there’s a good chance I’m not. Dean, Cas likes you.”

Dean frowned. “Likes me?”

“I’ve seen the way you two are together. There’s obviously something between you, and it’s not one-sided.” Sam paused to gesture to the bartender for another round. “You just confirmed what I’ve already suspected for a long time.”

Dean pondered this for a moment. “Let’s say I go to Boston, I do the whole Hollywood-thing of surprising him at his hotel and declaring my love, or whatever.” Dean took a bracing breath. “What if I do that, and you’re wrong?”

Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder and smiled, a little sad. “One, that won’t happen. I’m willing to bet my whole career on that. And two,” Sam leaned closer, “Aren’t you kind of dying to know for sure how Cas feels?”

He wasn’t wrong. Dean clenched his fists on the bar top, trying to find the courage he needed to consider following through on Sam’s advice. If there was a chance, even a small one, that Cas loved Dean back… it was worth the risk.

Dean threw back his drink, the liquor burning a path down his throat. “Fuck it. I’m goin’ to Boston.”

Sam clapped him on the back; Dean wondered if this would be the best decision of his life – or if it would ruin the best friendship he’d ever had.

-

Dean had only visited Cas once while he was studying in Boston, and it was an experience he had hoped never to repeat – the city was too big, too bustling for Dean’s small town sensibilities. It suited Cas, though. He’d always been bigger than where they grew up.

He had decided that, on balance, it would be wise to sober up before hopping on a plane to Boston. After seeing Sam he had headed back to his apartment and slept for twelve hours straight, before breaking every speed limit on the way to the airport to catch the next flight to Boston.

Climbing out of the cab he’d ridden from the airport, Dean checked the address of Cas’ conference on his phone against the name on the building in front of him. Now he was actually here, and Cas was just a short distance away, it really hit Dean just how ridiculous and far-fetched this whole plan of his was. It seemed to him so far out of the realm of possibility that Cas would feel about Dean even a fraction of what Dean felt about Cas as to be laughable. Biting back his fear, and focusing on that one in a hundred chance that Cas loved him back, Dean strode up the front steps of the conference centre and entered the building.

Only to be stopped by security when he couldn’t produce the correct ID and wasn’t on the guest list. 

“C’mon, really? What kind of academics need high-level security?” Dean complained as he was politely directed towards the exit. “Guess I’ll just… Wait out here then,” Dean said, and with that he sank down onto the hard concrete steps, trying to avoid the patches of snow and ice.

It was already dark and Dean was freezing his ass off in the December chill, not having had the foresight to bring a a heavy winter coat along with him. He considered finding a nearby coffee shop to shelter in but didn’t want to move in case Cas left the building anytime soon.

Maybe Dean’s luck was turning around. He hadn’t been outside for ten minutes before the doors behind him opened and spilled out a small crowd of stereotypical-looking academics. He stood quickly and scanned the crowd, looking for a mop of dark hair, a familiar face – 

“Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath in, held it, turned around and let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Cas’ expression was one of surprise – not joy, no, but not anger either. He’d take that. 

“Hey,” Dean said, licking his lips tentatively. 

Cas tracked the movement with his gaze. “I, uh, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

Dean smiled softly at the characteristic understatement. “Yeah, I kind of decided to fly up here last minute.”

Cas’ eyes widened in surprise. “You flew?” 

Of course Cas would understand the significance of that – it was no secret that Dean had been afraid of flying for a long time.

Dean smiled. “I needed to get here fast. To see you.” Cas looked embarrassingly touched at that, so Dean cleared his throat and asked, “Is there somewhere we can go? Somewhere I won’t feel like all our high school teachers are watching us?” The tweed jackets were really beginning to freak Dean out.

Cas rolled his eyes and led Dean away from the conference centre. They walked until they reached a park, the sounds of the city falling away as they strolled down a snowy path lit all along with Christmas lights. The silence that had fallen between them was a little tense, maybe, but Dean had been fearing a much worse reaction from Cas. He knew, somehow, that this would not be insurmountable.

“Dean.” Cas stopped abruptly. “Why did you come here? You told me to leave. I thought you didn’t want to see me.” 

Cas looked sad, and all of Dean wanted to reach out to him and soothe his sadness away with a touch, but he held back.

Dean ignored Cas’ question and dove straight in with another, a question that had bothered him for over two years now. “Cas, why did you move back to Kansas after graduation?”

Cas’ eyes widened slightly, taken aback. “Excuse me?”

“Why did you come home?” Dean asked again, earnest.

Cas blinked once, twice, then took a deep breath and said, “Because KU has one of the highest-rated graduate programs in the country in the area I wanted to specialise in and—”

“Bullshit,” Dean cut him off. “That’s the rehearsed answer, the one you gave to all your disappointed friends and professors when you told them you were leaving Boston. I want the real reason. Tell me why you didn’t choose to stay here, where your whole life was, and instead moved back to a dead-end town with no relatives or- or job prospects, or anything.”

Cas bit his lip and pondered his answer for what seemed to Dean like an age. “I came home, Dean,” Cas looked away before continuing, “I came home for you.”

Dean’s heart did a somersault in his chest, a hundred butterflies took flight in his stomach, stars danced in front of his eyes because that was not a platonic, best-friend-style answer. That was an oh-my-god-he-might-feel-the-same-way answer. 

“Cas.” He refused to meet Dean’s eye. “Cas, babe.” The pet name slipped out and startled them both, making Cas look up finally – finally.

Amber Christmas lights reflected in Cas’ eyes as Dean reached out and cradled his face with both hands. Cas didn’t pull away, in fact he moved closer, his own hands finding Dean’s hips.

“I thought you said this was a casual thing,” Cas breathed. 

Dean ghosted gentle fingers along his cheekbones.

“Oh, this went way past casual a long time ago.”

“It did?” Dean nodded. “How far past, exactly?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “As far as I love you, you dork.”

Cas’ face scrunched up in that adorable, beautiful way of his, and Dean drew him closer so he could crush their lips together in a kiss that took his breath away.

“I love you too,” Cas whispered when they finally separated. “I’m sorry I ran away to Boston. Had I known, I would have stayed with you in a heartbeat.”

Dean knew he was smiling in a disgustingly sappy way, but he didn’t care. Cas loved him, and Dean loved Cas, and things were finally as they should have been. “Cas?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
